Hi, I'm Jen Heath. And I'm not your average girl. After reading this blog, you'll start to get an idea of why I say that. Today it might be a little random as my thoughts are sort of all over the place, but I think you'll like it nonetheless.

There are several reasons why I chose the picture below to say "this is me".

• I almost look like this. Give me 4-5 more weeks.
• It's my new profile picture on Facebook, and it has been getting some good attention.
• It shows very objectively (ha - see how clever I am? I know what you are thinking) how much I love to lift weights
• Lastly, the waistline on my shorts is at my hips and not my bellybutton. Marc is the only one who just got that. Sorry, everybody else.

For those of you who don't know me as well as Marc, you can visit my website www.jenheath.com where you can check out my online coaching business. There's plenty of eye candy over there and no, it's not all of me (though there's no shortage there). HINT: Modeling and Competition Galleries. It's my job to create hot people (who are also healthy and happy of course), and I take pride in showcasing my/our results. Plus, there is plenty of good information to chew on.

I have four kids and the last two are twins (re: I used to weigh 195 lbs, which makes the above picture even more impressive). I coach gymnastics, and am a writing nerd a well published online writer. I love to snowmobile, snowboard, and I'm a bat out of Hell on my dirtbike. I love to boat because I love sunshine and bikinis I love waterskiing. I love to build houses. I just moved into my new one in which I built myself a 500 sq.ft  gym with all the trimmings. Racks, barbells, DB's, foam rollers, a kickin stereo system, a drinking fountain (I know, I'm such a brat). It lacks nothing. I even have a picture of a gay bodybuilder on my wall. Delicious.

My favorite possessions are my children (they are my life), my electric hand blender, my supplement container, my synthesize jug, foam roller, ipod, pantry (hint: I makeout with cashews all the time LOVE food), my phone, and my nintendo wii. DON'T judge me. Wii Super Hula is really really fun to play with my kids. I'm a total hula junkie. Someday I'm gonna youtube that shit and post it. If you're nice to me, I'll put on my bikini first. Plus it increases my NEAT in case you needed a scientific reason for me to be wildly swinging my hips back and forth. Wow, don't even go there, okay? It's hula hoop for crying out loud.

I almost forgot to mention my mixer and cdj's. I love to spin tunes and some have said I am quite good**. I owe that hobby to Marc McDougal (my original spinning coach) and Devon Padgett who has been my endless supply of music. Wait. How could I forget? I totally makeout with my stainless steel pots and pans LOVE to cook. I should start a restaraunt. Yep, the food I make is THAT good. After a busy day, I love to curl up to a good book with a hot cup of tea. I am also a movie wh*** also really love movies. I love Blue-ray. I got lasik a couple years ago and Blue-ray is like getting that surgery all over again. Double D!! You pervert. I was talking about Dimension and Definition, not a bra size. Sheesh.

I am hands down the sweetest and nicest person ( that's my halo in case you wondered) you'll ever meet all while having developed a refined sense of humor, cynicism and sarcasm that is nothing short of artwork (or so I've been told) . My thank you speech for those qualities goes out to Marc McDougal, Brandie Heath, Amy Leck and Christopher Ball, my mom and my good friend Tony Gentilcore. Thanks for being a part of my learning not to take things so personally, how to say no more often when it suits my own needs (selfish I know, but good, I assure you), for a better ability to call someone out when they are being indisputably stupid and make fun of them without hestitation, and most importantly, to not take myself so seriously. You all rock my world. And for all of you who are not on that list and are jealous right now, you can rock my world if you want to. It's okay with me.

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My thought of the day is one that is totally recycled, but I too, deserve the right to bitch and moan about gym cell phone users, especially if they get in my way.

So, I had just finished heavy 3's with 200 lbs on squat (impressive? anyone?) and was heading over to the DB rack to do some single arm push presses. On my way, I noticed a few of the skinnies on the ellipticals talking on their phones (barf). It didn't bother me so much though, since I hardly ever go over there unless it's to do sprints, plus since they were not in MY way, I could hate from a distance.

*Bonus: I don't look like or speak like them either. Thanks goodness. My next blog will be a conversation I heard between two fatties walking on the treadmill that made me want to plummet myself from a 20 story high riser.

The real problem came into play when I arrived at the DB rack and there was this guy sitting on the end of a bench right in front of the 40's I needed, talking on his phone.

"...Sure baby, I'll pick you up in 30 when I'm done with my workout....yeah it's good. I curled 20's today...blah blah blah...." Cue: Jen goes ballistic and takes one of those 40's, smashes it into his head and knocks him over while she watches him bleed to death from the skull on the rubber matting (admission: rude and morbid, I know...but I was mad).

This scenario was wrong on so many levels. I mean the guy weighed MAYBE 130 lbs (yes that is lighter than me at 5'5" tall). I could bench press that shiz numerous times. Furthermore, workout your damn plans with your "chick" before you come to the gym. Lastly, 20 lbs?!? Are you kidding me? I can curl 20 lbs like 531.25 times. If you are a beginner or intermediate female, then kudos, but a dude? It's just not fashionable. Get over yourself and do some chinups.

So, little boy from my gym who sits in front of my dumbbells and talks on his phone:

"You are not awesome. At all. You are a walking bag of douche. Next time you come to the gym, leave your cell phone in your car. If I ever see you in here with it again, I'll rip it out of your hands and shove it down your throat.

**Yes, I look very, very cute in my headphones. Just in case you wondered. 

About the author 

For more information on Jen Heath and her online personalized program services, go to www.jenheath.com