AGGRESSIVE STRENGTH ARTICLES
Why Praise Can Hamper Growth And Development
By Mike Mahler
I don’t need accolades on the
wall to remind me of who I am — Slash
Praise is one of the most addictive--and potentially destructive--drugs around. OK, maybe it's not that bad, but it can be annihilative to personal growth. As the saying goes: praise is something children cry for and grown people die for. There's nothing wrong with giving--or receiving--genuine praise; we all appreciate praise for hard work and genuine accomplishment, but it's a mistake to make praise an objective. Praise is a given when doing anything impressive, so focus on executing meaningful actions; perform great feats and praise follows. And if the praise never comes--so what? Achieving greatness is a real reward, not the fickle approval of people you already know or will never know. Further, if people criticize your accomplishments it doesn't mean your accomplishments were without merit. Negative feedback is often praise couched in petty jealousies.
Back to the topic of praise:
Most people are unaware of my proudest accomplishments (and no, they've
nothing to do with either my training or training business) nor do I care
whether anyone knows these things, since the reward of doing them has been
more than enough.
The need to report your
achievements to anyone and everyone in order to garner praise and significance
indicates your actions are about as uninteresting as your personality.
Hey, if you don't even impress yourself, don't go looking for outsiders to
pick up the slack.
Yet, at the end of the day, praise
is merely one of the many reassurances people desperately seek. People
broadcast their accomplishments because they can then feel superior.
We all know people like this, they're the men and women who always want the
focus on them and what they've done. If you talk to such people,
they'll cut you off mid-sentence, interrupting with their two cents--they
can't listen to you because their minds are occupied only with what they
want to say next.
They need to get over themselves! There will always be someone more impressive than yourself so forget about trying to be better than others and focus on improving yourself. Take solace in growing as a person and making day-to-day gains.
Some people require pats on the
back in order to stay the course when chasing their goals. This is a
sign you lack the necessary seriousness to realize your objectives.
Who cares about a pat on the back over real opportunity for personal
development? There are many people performing inspiring actions every
single day who never receive praise or encouragement yet keep their
momentum. Are their actions less important because they're not
acknowledged? I don't think so.
Ironically, praise can actually
hamper perseverance and thus, growth. My Dad recently sent me an
article asserting that praising children for their natural talents is a big
mistake. For example, if a child has a natural aptitude for math,
laying on thick praise is a big mistake. Why? It discourages
children from taking on challenges. Assuming that other areas of life
should equally effortless, when adversity comes their way, they may see it
as a sign to retreat. I don't think adults are any different.
Many adults simply focus on things at which they are already adept and never
want to take on any challenge. Were they conditioned this way as
children? Whatever the reason, such people need to move on to new
skills and interests.
Worse, praise givers may simply be
attention-seekers. After all, when praised, the recipient is now
obligated to acknowledge the source of this praise. I repeat, there is
nothing wrong with genuine praise, but you must differentiate between
heartfelt praise and ass kissing--and a fine illustration of the latter is
Henry Rollins on The Henry Rollins Show. (Now I will interject
that I'm a big fan of the band Black Flag, and as some of you may
know, Henry Rollins was the lead singer for Black Flag. I also
like what he did with his later project, The Rollins Band. So
when I heard Henry had his own show in which he'd be interviewing
interesting people and hosting music, I couldn't wait to check it out.
I watched a few episodes of his The
Henry Rollins Show and it failed to engage me. After a few more
viewings I realized why: Henry may talk loud and tough during
his weekly rants, but if you listen to what he's saying there's zero
controversy or originality. In fact, there's no substance whatsoever,
just him bitching like he's post-estrogen booster shot. Unfortunately,
his weekly rants are the least of the show's pathetic-ness. His
sycophantic behavior with each and every guest is nausea-inducing. For
me, the tipping point was an interview with William Shatner. While I'm
the first to say Shatner was the best Star Trek captain of all time,
that's not where Rollins was going. Nope, he actually praised Shatner
for his great music! Anyone who's sampled Shatner's discography knows
the horror. I'd rather listen to my dogs bark all night.
There is a comedic value to the
recordings since you can't help but laugh your ass off upon listening.
Next, Rollins went on to admit has all Shatner’s records and they
continued a discussion of the musical process and how Shatner comes up with
his great material. You've got to be kidding me! Delving into
William Shatner on musical creativity is like asking George Bush about
public speaking technique. Hilariously, even Henry Rollins' guests
squirm in discomfort when subjected to such artificial praise. Johnny
Knoxville was compelled to counter Henry’s fawning by replying that even
he--Johnny--thought most of his own movies sucked! Now that was funny.
Remember: if you are looking for methods to refine your ass kissing,
check out Henry’s show. The single highlight from the first season
was a musical performance by Slayer--even Henry couldn't mess that
up.
Back to the topic of praise: balance is key. Live your life without seeking praise from others; praise is illusory, fleeting, but becoming a great person is not. Give genuine praise to others when the opportunity arises, but avoid surgically attaching your head to their ass. No worthwhile person feels flattered by empty praise; great people do great things for their own sake, not for some transient accolades or even pats on the back. Make 2008 the year you work on becoming a great person.
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